Vol XI


What Fantastic Invent Is This?!

One Nikola Tesla, resident of South Fifth Avenue laboratory, New York, has released a patent for what he has dubbed "the Gentlemannely Generator". Superstitious fishwives have already no doubtedly began to denounce this contraption as a wilder banging object of faith and witchcraft but Tesla has said thuswise.

"Simply dub thouse forename mark in my TEXTBOX (patent no.16374, pending), clickth the BUTTON (patent no.16376, pending) and my ma-chine will assign you variables based on thou long and presumably wealthy tomorrow years. How doeth it work? One of my earliest invents, JAVASCRIPT (patent no.558, approved)", Gent Tesla says with a wry smile.

He then continues "Mine next glorious invent, the Statictorium-Lightning Generator has layed the groundwork for increased science".

For the need of the showing our generous hatted readers that 'SCIENCE'* does actually exist, we are proud that Delightful Mr Tesla has give us his blessing to display his device in this publication.

Write thou name in ye olde box:

However Mr Tesla's advances in wonder technology have not gone unopposed in the arena of scientific improvements. Dr Albert Einstein MSC BBL LLBBL BA MD, noted philosothunker and general man of science has called Tesla out on his use of metal rods as test subjects.

Speaking on a small barge after a '101 Uses of Dynamite' conference in Malta, Dr Einstein said, "That lousy middle man of lesser mustache than myself, Nikola Tesla? This what I think of his latest invent!"

Einstein then proceeded to try and smash the TEXTBOX with a test tube but failed due to its non-physical existence and high quantities of opium in his blood at that moment in yesteryear.

Tesla execusively told us that his up and coming next invent, STAIRS (patent no.16393, yet to be processed) will revolutionise the scaling of buildings using ladders industry. Without giving too much away, he assured us that STAIRS will not not require witchcraft but will be a complex piece of technology that he someday hopes will be commonplace in the homes of the seven richest gents in Europe.

*SCIENCE is not a registered trademark and may not actually exist. If engaging in use of SCIENCE, aim away from facial and hat areas.