I hath found great discouragement from the number of ladies wearing bonnets in our fair capital. Once great London Towne were sweet and faire. But what man would want to purchase her from her father now?! Not I gentlemenne, not I.
Dr F. Collopsworth
I was arrested last week for beating a peasant. I tell you no lie, a common-garden peasant, working in my common garden. Has the world become so corrupted that a man of my integrity can no longer beat the help?
Gentlemenne, it has been brought to my attention that the current edition of this periodical does not contain any form of connection to a stream of equine based content. I beg of you to direct attention to this absence in the future.
Mr P. Button
My namesake be Charleth Dickens, and this is mine faveth instance on the market of esquire publications.
Mr C. Dickens
The end times areth coming. Soon the moon spinneth no longer. We need to be prepard! Zalgo is uponth us!
Sooth, I sayeth. Ye olde new fanged trend of 'tooth brushe' will ne'r succeed while this sir still drawth breath. Long live the King! (to a lesser extent, the Queen)
Hath any single gentlemanne so far as yet developed the comprehensive decision to expediate anything with the view to making appearance of an increasingly similar likelihood?
Mr T. Roll
I havth been locked in mortal battle with an albatross of grotesque proportions for tri-score and wane months now. In the last encounter, the feathered monstrosity used it's thieving wings to purloin one of my fondest hats, passed on to me from mine father of late. 20 shillings to any gentlemanne who can best this avian beast and reclaim mine honour.
Mr J. Shepard
Oh Lady Matilda, a rose by any other name. For all that can't be said, I say, we can do no great things, only small things with great love. Of all the flowers in the world, beauty lasts but a single day. Yours will be eternal.
Mr C. Anova
Fellow gents, I sufferst a torrid dream as of late. I write of...of...a world, deficient in hats. This twisted nightmarish mockery of all we stand for agonises me nightly, almost as if it is the personification of evil, laughing at us from it's castle, high up in the Caledonian Hills. Forth all that is right, we must unite and prevent this future for ever occuring!
Mr I. Sain
Friends, feeling the neeth to desperately wet my whistle I visited a commoner public house. The smell nearly knocketh me for sleep but whence I attempted to order a single malt chardonay scotch whiskey in small tumbler glass for sipping, the serving girl told me they only traded in ales! Yeth another reason to despise these roaches of lesser birth.
Dr B. Igot