Are ye ready for some adventuring?


Prepare yourself for a fantasy adventure probably not similar to any you've ever played before, more than likely because you've never played one before.

Maybe you'll meet fair maidens, fight towering dragons, search for hidden treasures and do battle with evil wizards...

However the chances of those things are slim to none, so just remember to keep cool and always have a witty one liner ready.

Try this suffix generator to add some character to your character:

Your name please:

Your absolute favourite thing in the whole wide world:

Can't think of what your favourite thing is?

Pick a character trait: Precognitive Dreams Intuitive Linguist Impeccable Measure of Time

Choose your flavour:

You stand in the main hall of the Royal Imperial Palace before the 'democratically' elected King of Ecmaland.

Of course your Highness. Just tell me what needs to be done.

The King tells you about the soon to be adventure.

You are in the armoury. A rather meagre collection of armaments adorn the walls. The steward waits for you to take an item.

Take your item of choice:

*take the sword*

*take the lute*

You can stuff your contracts! I don't need this crappy gear. I'll probably get better stuff from a random battle the second I leave the castle!

Leaving the castle, you see a road diverging into several areas, none a yellow wood. One path leads to a bridge, another to a forest and the other to mountains.

Choose your path:

*go across the bridge*

*go into the forest*

*go up to the mountains*

Before you is a bridge that leads over a roaring river. Guarding the bridge is an ugly, foul smelling troll.

Make your choice:

*return the way you came*

[Lie]Oh...I don't have the money on me right now but I promise to come back and pay you triple that if you let me through.

[Sword]*attack the troll with your sword*

Without any intention of paying the troll his money, you cross the bridge.

You use your...skills...with a blade to attack the troll and leave him stuck with your sword in the ground.

Making your way through the forest you spot a nasty looking ogre. He has not noticed you yet.

Make your choice:

*return the way you came*

*throw the apple into the trees in the background to distract the ogre*

[No Item]*Sneak past the ogre without him discovering you*

The ogre runs after the decoy apple like a charm, leaving you free to move through the forest.

Your lack of heavy equipment allows you to move past the ogre as quietly as a field mouse.

Traversing through the mountain range, you come across a giant. He is rather large and roaring giantish at you.

Make your choice:

*return the way you came*

[Lute]*Play him the song of your people*

The giant is very impressed by your convenient musical skills and ensures your safe passage through the mountains.

You reach Phandron Plateau and are greeted by a soldier in the king's army, who informs you of the situation.

Choose a decision:

Yes, I am the Nameless One. You and the rest of the army must charge the enemy gloriously providing me with a distraction. Be brave. You'll be grand.

[Precognitive Dreams]*have a nap on the situation*

[Call Giant] Oh I think I have a friend who can help us out...

The king's army provide a valiant distraction while you find your way through the battlefield.

Having a nice rest, you dream of a secret entrance to Mt Pain and decide to use it.

Your giant friend carves a path through the battlefield.

You are just before the way into the dragon's lair.

Towering before you is an extremely dangerous looking dragon.

Ask questions:

So you're the famous dragon of Mt Pain? You're smaller than I expected.

I don't suppose I could just convince you to give me the secret treasure? Or failing that, regular treasure?

*attack dragon*

Destroys the world?! What kind of treasure is this?

Who is this wicked man you speak of?

If it's that dangerous, you wouldn't want to meet the guy I'm meant to be bringing this treasure back to...

You stand before Igmond the Unsettler. He is holding the ultimate weapon and looks unsettled.

Make your choice:

*battle Igmond*

[Impeccable Measure of Time]Actually Igmond, it's

[Troll Interference]*wait a second*

You confront Igmond.



Throw a right.

Try a high kick.

Attempt a headbutt.


Go for a left hook.

Use your elbows.

Unleash a karate chop.

Swipe with your fingernails.

Slap Igmond.

Utilise a kidney punch.

Throw sand in his face.

Charge him down.

Bodyslam him.

Ankle sweep.

Begin grappling Igmond.

Attempt to poke his eyes.

Do nothing.

You think of all the steak. You focus and concentrate all your thoughts on steak. Unleash the power of steak!

Despite your best efforts, you were defeated and the world is now doomed. But you should try again!


Igmond lies on the ground defeated by steak. You take the ultimate weapon and leave.

While Igmond is baffled by your mastery of time measurement, you rush him, knocking him out and taking the ultimate weapon.

The troll from earlier on reappears cutting across you and Igmond's confrontation.

Igmond and the troll begin to brawl, and in the chaos of the melee, you pick up the ultimate weapon and leave.

You decide to do the rightful thing and return the ultimate weapon to the rightful guardianship of the dragon. He gives you a fake treasure for the king.

After delivering the treasure, you quietly slip away from the limelight, seeking only more adventures...

Thanks for playing!